The true wealth of Life...

"Jism Ma'moon, Insaan ma'moon; this just a machine, khalli walli"

The now slightly tired cop finally drove a nail in my head with his Arabic wisdom which he tried to put across in our common language. I understood what he meant, noting down the word in my head to look up later once I was in senses enough to google.

It had not sunk in.  Just like everything else in my life, this realization was also delayed...I knew it was something that will have a lasting impression but I wasn't ready to internalize it as yet.

I was seemingly functioning normally, knowing well it will accentuate very soon, giving a full impact. Things had slowed down but everything was happening quickly.

My beloved car, which now looked nothing less than a piece of trash was blinking gloriously still in the middle of the road, royally guarded by multiple police cars while first respondents continued asking me if I felt ok. I did feel ok. I did back then at least....

 After few initial minutes, nothing was at standstill around me except my senses. It happened fast. A big thud from nowhere, a swivel and then an infinite halt. Next I looked at myself and then at the co-passenger. We were unhurt, maybe it was not that bad after all. There was no sense of time anyway or place. Next someone peeped from the now dangling airbags with horror and then astonishment at alive and kicking passengers inside. He asked us to come out. Doors were jammed. It was all happening in some parallel world. We came out somehow...

I have always hated driving, and been scared of speed. Always. I learnt driving too late, out of necessity and till date avoided driving whenever I could. And despite that I was super fond of my red riding hood. I doted her so it wasn't exactly easy to see her scarred. After I saw it from a distance I had two contradicting feelings. Of course that of relief that we got unhurt in a massive accident and that of utter sadness towards my car. It wasn't a materialistic feeling and I was indeed immeasurably thankful to my saved life but I couldn't still believe she was destroyed beyond repair.

There was endless series of things and people..."which lane were you driving?" "Are you ok?" "Did anyone call the crane?"" You feel any strain?"" Is it starting?""Here take this cold pack for your back"" Call the insurance" There was an overwhelming feeling of so much happening and also of stupid things that make you wonder if you are for real...For example my second reaction after checking myself was if my new phone is broken, and also if the ice box in boot is leaking or not....yeah. true story.

Anyway, I write this because it is weird that big jolts reinstate obvious feelings in life. We all know the mortality of life and stories of horrible things happening to people and that we can be those people. I mean for god's sake, I regularly talk of unanticipated and sell insurance; I should know better.

Amongst all the newfound and unearthed feelings, the biggest feelings were these:

There is no heads up. Things just stop. Whether it be big plans of life, tantrums with people or undone laundry. There is no time. No hindsight. No revisiting anything. It all stops with no notice. There are so many unfinished things. I kept on wondering what all would have just left incomplete had anything happened to me. All my big-small plans, all usual chores and life changing ideas, my aspirations and unfulfilled daring. Everything just stops...

...life is everything you see, feel and experience today. It is all you laugh at, frown upon and yell at today. It is all people you love and hate, accept and disown only today. All that is a balance sheet, as of today. There is a ledger. You don't necessarily get to balance out later, it maybe the last page.

Of course we have heard - "live life as if its your last day; live it to the fullest." We know it but it's not practically done by us. I just realized the same thing, it felt different looking at this lesson from personal point of view...that life is such a bigger than big picture and several other things we break our head on are hardly relevant, leave alone worth fighting for. 

With age, we all realize that things and people we wrecked ourselves for in past felt nothing now. This cycle continues for life. I guess this wisdom should dawn quicker and deeper. Live and let live; forgive and forget. These words of wisdom are not for charity or for sense of self actualization. They are probably for a better disconnected life. A way to continue from where you left the last time and still feel a little compete if it were to stop then and there.

I feel weird. For once in life, after years I am not in hold of my exact thought process. It is a beautifully disturbing feeling. I am venturing and wondering what best can I decipher from this. I know I will reach a point where my instinct will indicate that I have arrived at a satisfactory closure of my senses. Till then, this is how it is.

I just heard she has been declared irreparable by Insurance so that was closure of sorts. So while I am back now at daily routine of hunting for a new car, grappling with my newfound fear of driving and haphazard philosphy, somewhere that night has changed me. The change that couldn't be seen by paramedics. I may be a tad bit more conservative in life and a tad bit more forgiving. I am probably a  little more grounded and a little more mature. Maybe it has indeed changed me or maybe it was just an impact which will dwindle eventually. Whichever way it will take, I will remember two things clearly

One, how everything for someone can change in a moment while world around continues. I was standing there, looking at my car and myself in disbelief and it looked like two pictures stitched together. One frame of an accident and other of a moving world around it. Nothing stopped, nothing changed except for me. That's the truth, beauty and wickedness of life. While we go about doing our business, people's lives are changing dramatically. We are those people at some point in time.

Two, the cop who tried to explain for hours how righteousness, judgement, faultfinding is all beyond vitality. All the materialistic things and moralistic feelings don't matter when it comes to one thing- Life.

And as was aptly said, Ma'moon means wealth/ personified riches in Arabic. Like I understood, he meant the human body is the real wealth. It also means honorable....and that sums it well indeed!