Lacklessness of a Yes

"No." Its not just a word; it's a complete sentence in itself...

This dialogue got its overdue appreciation in the hindi movie 'Pink' wherein a lawyer is trying to point out meaning of No on behalf of the protagonist and all women in general... He says this regarding consent and how a simple No is a sentence in itself in all matters of will and accord. I completely agree with it though that's not what this post is about. That's the trigger of my particular thought which got pronounced in following months after watching the movie. My thought was a complete antithesis of the point presented.

Later I happen to be attending a training where it came up how one must be assertive and not hesitate when they want to say No. This is known to be a very common problem it seems that people find it difficult to say No. It maybe to reject someone's idea or proposal or in general extends to all experiences in professional and personal life. Last nail on coffin was when I was having a long discussion with my sister telling multiple things getting me perplexed etc. She said, hey that's fine, its not a big deal. Learn to say Yes to a few things. 

BOOM

It dawned on me all at once now. That's true. I actually need to learn to say Yes.

I hear everywhere how people get caught in unwanted or unwarranted situations because they could not say No. It may be because they were too afraid to hurt someone or too careful to be judged or for no reason found it rude. You end up in that party you didn't wanna go to or spiraled into some work that wasn't yours or hell, watch a movie again even when you didn't like it because you find it too hard to say No. Its a legit problem and world is fairly aware and woken up to fighting it. Don't try to please everyone, speak your mind even if it means sounding too upright or seeming extremely uptight...

I have a different story to tell. I've apparently taken solace in No for ages. I've found it easy. I've found it hassle free. Everytime I am not sure of something or indecisive or even too lazy to ponder, I run to a No. Its so much simpler. I'm fine to miss out out on things I may have enjoyed but am not ready to participate in ones I'd detest. I think that's a fairly rational thought process. I am sure it didn't crop from my affinity to comfort zone or dislike towards new things. I infact enjoy those but somehow I weigh in on the positives of negation. I have enjoyed it and continue to and yet when life presented people and situations that called for testing waters, I've said No.

I feel I am not the only chosen one though. The emotional investment and zest needed to be up for new people and experiences is exhausting. It is easy to overcome when we have a compelling reason for it. A date you were sort of looking forward to or an interest you wanted to pursue; a place on your radar worth exploring or a cuisine you wanted to try... all these are full toss (pardon IPL fever) These are easy hitters.

But look at a neutral situation. One that can swing either way and you have no ambition attached to it. How easy is it to rule it out but so difficult to face it. The beauty of this concept is that it doesn't impact your current well being; no loss no gain. But the monotony demands that you play that shot for once as things need to move. 

Lack of such affirmations is probably what leads to the very common situation of  what I'd call 'lacklessness' we all face. It's a millennial problem... (Oh I finally used that word) A problem where you seem to have pretty much all materialistic things along with a so called enviable social life, nearly fulfilling professional life and fairly comforting personal life, the situation of having everything by the book, and some more; being in that top 1 percent category of all shitty stats and yet living in a void of purposelessness. My gut says a simple Yes to otherwise nonchalant No's may assuage to some extent.

I found the root of my restless mood swings was always when I was rejecting something I had an option to accept. This probably changes how it affects you with age. 'Couldn't care less' changes in life as you age because the probable consequences start bothering you more. They matter because the one conclusion you don't desire is now clearer in terms of impact. Maybe that's why the crossroads are more worrisome. It's the same situation for ages but you can gauge it differently now with added experience of time and appetite of failure and acceptance of destiny. 

So I finished my phone call with the takeaway of being a little less uptight. I knew I was rejecting everything left-right and center and while I would still not know most of things and outcomes of decisions, all I realized was that these out of course multiple choice questions needed  a Yes mark every now and then. Restore the balance.