The concept of getting married, loosely speaking, without going into details or googled timelines started somewhere in the tribes. It began when humans were not evolved enough to rationalize a system, yet enough to feel a need for the same. It started not at a precise time but over generations. It ran its life as it was being established that the male species have to be worthy of being superior (usually physically) while females had to be worthy of being wooed (again usually physically which included aspects of aesthetics and characteristics of child -bearing ability). While this equation was loud and clear in a very short span of time, what took much longer was the idea of making this known. What we simply call 'put a ring' was what took ages as we were not instantly aware of the importance of giving it a structure or making it public.
I have spent time in a Masai village myself where they told me that in old times the men would go on a lion hunt when the age was 'right' and whoever was the first one to kill a lion was the destined leader of group, and rightfully claimed his 'chosen' woman. The norm is still reflected in practice of a man usually popping the question across all cultures and countries. For long the superiority was based on strength of a man and accolades based on the privilege of getting the woman they deemed best. It was in-turn based on the idea of mating to breed the most superior off springs which was in turn the main reason of mating and also the perceived aim of human life and alliances. These practises had many evident and inferred reasons such as sex- ratio, females' role as such associated to only breeding and lawless trespassing of wealth, weapons and women
Alright enough of history. That's not where I thought I'd drive this. Jump to 2017.
I was thinking about it and bringing the pieces together as I ended up in a discussion with a very eligible spinster friend of mine who said she does not believe in the concept of marriage. Now despite being an unmarried female over 30 years of age, I had not exactly thought about merits or demerits of a formal marriage. I had of course thought extensively on the idea of spending life with one person. So it got me thinking and I churned my head on if and why is marrying- as we know it in the social format today- important... and all the stats of marriage, divorce, live-in etc started pouring in my screen.
Her argument was simple and valid that togetherness does not require an attestation then why do we have to do it and also if it was not for the way this concept evolved, would we still be cognizant of this norm today? She was recently mind-fucked by very mind-fucked parents pressurized by super mind-constipated relatives etc. so I was pretty much just a listener and not one to reason at that point. More so as I didn't exactly agree. Here's why...
Think of the cute puppy and kid videos. They are cute as they are innocent which is because their life is devoid of social practices, leave alone the need to abide by them. A child doesn't know that he can't call 'pados ki aunty' fat because it is not polite. Their tryst with 'invention of lying' starts much later. How do kids react as they are growing up when they get attached to something?
A child is extremely cautious and reluctant to be friends with anyone till they experience the 'trust.' Whatever it is based on, a child would not let you in if they don't trust you or feel happy with you....and what happens when they do? Two things. A child who can shut down a whole Disneyland whining and not budging until they get a chocolate share the very same chocolate with you. Second, they claim you. The 'Best friend' tag is very dear to kids as they take it seriously and want to claim it completely. They also ensure to tell the whole school and family who their 'best friend' is and forget about two kids having the same best friend. Its an exclusive-right and equally reciprocated claim.
We grow up but our instincts as a child don't diminish completely. The quick decade long progression into an adult who is not socially awkward does magic but we still end up making a child-like fool of ourselves as we laugh when someone falls or dance as it rains. We still act in the most puerile manner when we are secluded in the company of ones we love and get comforted in. No matter age, status or position in any other classification of judging an adult, we still make sounds and do silly things with our parents, siblings, spouse and dear ones. I still fight with my sisters that my mother loves me the most (and deep down believe in it strongly) We are children in the matters of affection. We behave that way. And remember what children want? To proclaim what they have.
Marriage is a beautiful arrangement actually if one were to keep aside the very many socially prevalent aspects of it and look at it from a child's lens. You are fond of something (one) then you take your time and once certain, you share your most valuable possessions with them and derive greatest joy in proclaiming to the world that it belongs to you. It is just a manner of self propelling your affection and not that of enticing envy or anyone's approval. It is a manner of endorsing a sense of togetherness and a certified responsibility of being accountable of a living being- plants, animals or a person...all of which are strong characteristics of human need.
The celebration of having decided the one you trust is now seen in the light of our stressed lifestyle leading to lack of time, dilution of empathy and diversion of philosophy. The celebration is without a doubt mutilated by the compulsory exhibition of perceived festivity. It is akin to being told how to react and celebrate when you are happy. The flaw is essentially in prescribed rules, not the game!
And the flaw is also in obvious extension of one's frustration of not finding/ reciprocating/ being reciprocated by someone they can trust and more so of not having a say in being able to choose. It deepens when it comes with a timer and count-downed grenade called family/society. And one starts getting frictioned away from an innocent concept of 'trusting someone enough to share your chocolate.'
So I just told my friend what the Masai head told me. A bright 22 year man who was university educated, head of the village and had returned to stay in Kenya the Masai way. He told me how things had changed ever since there were regulations on poaching and in general advancement in tribes. They still had lion mane that they killed but now they kept it and passed it to others who had proved to be most superior by alternate competitions (things to do with fire, house building, killing a cow and drinking its blood etc) as symbol of head of tribe. The thus 'suitable boy' could still choose the women he liked. Or in case he didn't like any, he could hold on to the mane till he finds one. No one tells him why he hasn't made a choice yet ever!
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