Birthday at the [almost very] top

I am a girl with plan. I may usually not look like it or may look like being super indifferent to things, but I indeed have a plan. And not just a plan but plans. I have Plan A and then B and a vague idea of Plan C and possibility of D or feasibility of E in my head. Best thing about my plans is that it gives me immense pleasure to be able to execute them- any of them and at the same time I am absolutely fine if things don't go that way because I equally enjoy unknown and uncertainty. Let me also conclude this thought by saying that it is as enjoyable as difficult to be like this. I do have a switch to change gear from one side to another and be fine with any course.

 

Anyway, while we are at it, let me also say that I like to plan in a grand way. I love to celebrate and it gives me great happiness to make things big. That is why I am always game to celebrate occasions- and most importantly if the occasion is as big as my Birthday!

 

I love my birthday. I feel like I did a great favor to world by being born and even if I expect myself to be mellowed about it every year as I grow old, I find myself getting all excited as it approaches.

 

So this year too I had plans. Massive plans, but as they say, life happened and nothing else did so I found myself in Dubai headed towards a non-eventful birthday. Now I hated it so I jumped to the idea of going for a hike when it materialized precisely on my Birthday.

 

I have a hunch- hunch that things will be fine and better and it usually works. So even when I knew I am out of practice and that the hike is one of toughest in Middle east, I was just about fine with it.

 

And so it started. I wasn't exactly all motivated to finish it and reach the summit but I would have liked that. As I cocooned in my sleeping bag waiting for alarm to go off and ensuring no donkey or mountain goat comes close to me, I had a vague dream of reaching the peak too.  After interacting with fellow hikers, I have understood that mountains are passion for people, it calls out to them. Unfortunately, to me they just whisper once in a while. So while I have an excitement and all hullabaloo about going to the top, I am not exactly driven to conquer them. Having said that, it is an unparalleled feeling to walk for hours and reach that point where there is no way forward.

 

This one is 12-14 hour hike and well into first two hours I realized I had terrible pace for the group and I can either take at least 2 extra hours or not finish it at all. I decided I will go slow, at my pace and see how far I can make it. Thankfully it was doable as Oman has well marked trails unlike UAE where you are at mercy of someone who knows their way around it. And this is story for another day how intimidating wadis can get if you are lost. You fight against fatigue, helplessness and receding daylight.

 

Then it happened. I am in the middle of some godforsaken place. I had no aim anymore to catch up to people. I had beautiful canyons overlooking valleys around me. It stuck me that this is what I love and would have ideally wanted to do on my birthday to make it special. To have no agenda at all!

 

 

It was very liberating. I am not sure how to explain but you know we are always going with agendas, a sense of getting something accomplished. The difference is as simple as going for a stroll or going to the supermarket to buy something. Which one is relaxing? Next time when you are headed somewhere just like that, not wanting to reach anywhere, just reflect how great is that feeling. You don't have to chase timelines or be anywhere. You don't have to really make it in any respect.

 

These agendas are not bad either. They also come in form of chasing dreams or summits, literally in this case. And come with great sense of accomplishment if and when achieved. However, there is a parallel sense of elation when you have nowhere to be and nothing to achieve. Without an agenda, we will be complacent or off track... that path can lead to either being a total wreck or achieving Nirvana.

 

So in my head, I gave up the feeling to be at the top. I anyway knew I will mostly not make it even if I push myself owing to stamina, time or both. Blessing in disguise was no network else I swear I would have succumbed to chasing rare pokemons!

 

So I started exploring, hopping to cliff edges, going around random trees, wondering if anyone can see me, hoping I don't see anyone and while I did that, I always had eyes on the colored flags to keep sense of my direction intact. At times I would go mad and walk straight for an hour and reach the next peak in one go and else I would wander to the edge and sit under the tree doing nothing.

 

 

 

 

During one such siesta, I even got my mum on phone, happened to catch network and that moment, just like that, swiftly slipped into the sack of my most precious moments. You know mothers have two strange habits, apart from many other. One is always asking if you are happy and second, knowing when you are. They always ask you if you are happy, specially when you live away, and poking to find out why you aren't. When they know you are, they will generally chat about mundane. My mom commented on both- absurd choice of being on mountains and yet not analyzing it as she could sense that I am happy.

 

Second surprising thing that happened was my lunch bag had a strangely pleasant thing. I have no clue as I am not fond of cakes and I had no intention of a figurative celebration but my bag had a brownie. I  am sure I didn't buy it. Maybe it got mixed up at supermarket counter or whatever- I hope I didn't pay for it either. But I did eat it and was happy as when we were ascending the mountain my sister called and made obvious comment of why hike on birthday and said- no matter where but please cut a cake on your birthday. I said OK as I do but I knew I am not back in civilization anytime before the day after. This was like fulfilling that.

 

  

I had fixed time in head when I had to start descending so I can make it well before dark to the base camp. That actually happened quickly...I didn't realize I had ambled away from trail so much that it barely took 2.5 hours back for what had taken 5 hours up. I was back with little sunlight still left in the day. I had to do something so I decided to start a fire. It is not that easy in case you haven't tried unless wind favors and you have dry woods and lighter fluid. I just had a lighter, which is not enough but still the most important part of the whole thing.

 

So I had my new game. I went around and gathered whatever wood I could get. With some effort and burning trash and dry grass twigs and being almost there multiple times, I managed it. This must sound funny but it was my single biggest achievement that made me proud in the recent past!



 

Hence this happened. I turned 32 under stars. I turned 32 away from the world, which I truly love being a part of. I had a good sleep only disturbed by donkeys braying and goats staring from a distance contemplating if they should be brave to run me down for sleeping on their territory or stay away. It was almost a full moon night so I also kept looking out for ghosts that are my single biggest fear. It was cold in a good way. It was beautiful.

 

The icing on cake was detour to wadi on our way back. I love water and that's what you look forward anyway after two nights on road and sleeping on terrains.

 

 

 

I got back. Happy and fulfilled. Catching myself on other side. Trying to be lost in translation, this time without getting drunk and sleeping while that happened.

I of course came back with a day spend with great abandonment and yet an unfulfilled task of conquering the top. It doesn't really kill me anymore not being able to do things I started each time. Maybe its maturity of age or it might as well be a trait of making peace with failures to make life easy instead of being worked up. I am not sure...I am happy to have that clarity of being in dynamic stage. I will go again if the occasion presents itself and then reach the top...

...But guess this time I was better off being where I was, doing what I did, escaping what I could.

 

Happy Birthday!