As the cab turned into that lane, Mia didn’t feel awkward like she thought she would. It seemed as if this was her daily route…well it used to be. She got down at the building still painted yellow with an outlier first floor painted peach. She heard the teenage kids playing cricket pass a comment on her. She wasn’t amused or annoyed – just registered the comment. Her ‘amreekan’ getup must have given away the fact that she doesn’t belong here. The neighbourhood hadn’t changed at all, as if it was untouched all these two years. Only thing that had changed was herself probably. She moved inside the building digging into the keys attached to star-charm keychain that Naren had gifted her. She was relieved he is not going to be home.
Making an entry at the register for visitors was new. The guard looked seemingly disinterested in who was visiting or what they wrote. He was only engaged in ink marks. She could have written super girl and he wouldn’t have noticed. She smiled to herself and proceeded towards the house. Mia was visiting India after a year and half. It wasn’t unusual for people living in America to visit just about that often. Separated from Naren, she had deliberately snipped most ties to her previous life – or at least distanced herself. Now that she was visiting, it was a good time to seal the deal. The divorce papers were to be signed and this was long overdue. So she had suggested Naren that she could stop by to close the unfinished business. Since Naren was travelling for work, it was decided that she would visit in his absence to sign…
The house looked the same. Paint was chipping in the same place and furniture was set the similar way. It did not trigger any nostalgia. They were over it. Things were amicable, just the way divorce was… Mia could still not figure out why they decided to separate. Not that she would have done it otherwise. They were two people on same road who suddenly but surely realized that they weren’t making lives any better by being together – and just like that they decided to part ways on a one-way road. And now the only reminder was a broken name plate on door, dangling a little on left where Naren had detached her name from the board. That too looked more factual than outcome of a fit of rage or anger.
They could have tried to be together and she was sure they would have lasted a life time but it didn’t seem worth it. She looked around to find the papers. There they were – neatly laid on center table with a pen aside and underlined copy besides it, Naren was always like this...organized and sorted, arranging things to be perfect. Mia walked towards the papers but ignored them. She was getting a sense of thrill to walk around her erstwhile home without leaving a mark. Things were indeed set and laid out the way she left. But it still didn’t stink of Naren’s yearning. It seemed that they were left as it is for the sake of routine and habit than lost love. No object felt like a memory or story – everything was just an object of use.
Mia had an unsettling feeling of liberation mixed with the search of clue which could give away that she was still missed. Occasionally she would look inside her to search if she felt the same – unsuccessfully. She was amused indeed at how life changes so much and what’s the most important aspect ceases to exist or remind anything.
She walked back to the table and just like that signed the papers. She was hoping to feel different or something but strangely it was still the same. She was in a way disappointed at how she was lacking emotions completely. It felt normal and unceremonious. She looked forward to something different at least. That signature had changed a lot for her technically, she was free-, err..free-er. But nothing.
Her train of thought was broken by birds chirping. She suddenly had a wave of pleasure that she could go out and have a look at terrace garden. Naren was still leaving bits of food for the birds. The ‘Tulsi’ they planted together was also green and healthy…she walked towards the plant. This is it – now she felt it. This seemed like a souvenir of their separation – a mere plant. Mia was always the emotional, the crazy one. She was expected to go and uproot the plant or break something…and she did have an urge…just as a closure. But she had changed too, became reasonable and mature probably. She didn’t want to do anything to leave traces that would shout grief or displeasure or insanity for that matter. But she could do anything that will be witnessed only by nature – just the way the marriage was witnessed by fire.
And then, just like that, stupidly, Mia went towards the plant and started going around it in anti-clockwise direction. She was annulling the marriage in her own way, and trying to search for tears as she feared that a non eventful separation wasn’t enough. The last round of seven made her feel uncomfortable and sad and a little melancholic, but still nothing.
She turned to lock the door and move out of the house. She quickly left and descended the stairs to leave for good but the guard wasn’t disinterested anymore.
“Madam, you have to sign out as well…“
Mia turned and could sense the urge of the man to speak to her. Maybe he was bored or just suffering with the Indian disease of collecting details that pertain to others and do not matter whatsoever. She looked at her watch and punched the time.
“Madam, you are related to Naren saab? Do you know him?“
A thousand memories flashed then and there as she thought of an appropriate answer, finally she just fought back the tears and choking in her throat and mumbled..
” I used to…”
Making an entry at the register for visitors was new. The guard looked seemingly disinterested in who was visiting or what they wrote. He was only engaged in ink marks. She could have written super girl and he wouldn’t have noticed. She smiled to herself and proceeded towards the house. Mia was visiting India after a year and half. It wasn’t unusual for people living in America to visit just about that often. Separated from Naren, she had deliberately snipped most ties to her previous life – or at least distanced herself. Now that she was visiting, it was a good time to seal the deal. The divorce papers were to be signed and this was long overdue. So she had suggested Naren that she could stop by to close the unfinished business. Since Naren was travelling for work, it was decided that she would visit in his absence to sign…
The house looked the same. Paint was chipping in the same place and furniture was set the similar way. It did not trigger any nostalgia. They were over it. Things were amicable, just the way divorce was… Mia could still not figure out why they decided to separate. Not that she would have done it otherwise. They were two people on same road who suddenly but surely realized that they weren’t making lives any better by being together – and just like that they decided to part ways on a one-way road. And now the only reminder was a broken name plate on door, dangling a little on left where Naren had detached her name from the board. That too looked more factual than outcome of a fit of rage or anger.
They could have tried to be together and she was sure they would have lasted a life time but it didn’t seem worth it. She looked around to find the papers. There they were – neatly laid on center table with a pen aside and underlined copy besides it, Naren was always like this...organized and sorted, arranging things to be perfect. Mia walked towards the papers but ignored them. She was getting a sense of thrill to walk around her erstwhile home without leaving a mark. Things were indeed set and laid out the way she left. But it still didn’t stink of Naren’s yearning. It seemed that they were left as it is for the sake of routine and habit than lost love. No object felt like a memory or story – everything was just an object of use.
Mia had an unsettling feeling of liberation mixed with the search of clue which could give away that she was still missed. Occasionally she would look inside her to search if she felt the same – unsuccessfully. She was amused indeed at how life changes so much and what’s the most important aspect ceases to exist or remind anything.
She walked back to the table and just like that signed the papers. She was hoping to feel different or something but strangely it was still the same. She was in a way disappointed at how she was lacking emotions completely. It felt normal and unceremonious. She looked forward to something different at least. That signature had changed a lot for her technically, she was free-, err..free-er. But nothing.
Her train of thought was broken by birds chirping. She suddenly had a wave of pleasure that she could go out and have a look at terrace garden. Naren was still leaving bits of food for the birds. The ‘Tulsi’ they planted together was also green and healthy…she walked towards the plant. This is it – now she felt it. This seemed like a souvenir of their separation – a mere plant. Mia was always the emotional, the crazy one. She was expected to go and uproot the plant or break something…and she did have an urge…just as a closure. But she had changed too, became reasonable and mature probably. She didn’t want to do anything to leave traces that would shout grief or displeasure or insanity for that matter. But she could do anything that will be witnessed only by nature – just the way the marriage was witnessed by fire.
And then, just like that, stupidly, Mia went towards the plant and started going around it in anti-clockwise direction. She was annulling the marriage in her own way, and trying to search for tears as she feared that a non eventful separation wasn’t enough. The last round of seven made her feel uncomfortable and sad and a little melancholic, but still nothing.
She turned to lock the door and move out of the house. She quickly left and descended the stairs to leave for good but the guard wasn’t disinterested anymore.
“Madam, you have to sign out as well…“
Mia turned and could sense the urge of the man to speak to her. Maybe he was bored or just suffering with the Indian disease of collecting details that pertain to others and do not matter whatsoever. She looked at her watch and punched the time.
“Madam, you are related to Naren saab? Do you know him?“
A thousand memories flashed then and there as she thought of an appropriate answer, finally she just fought back the tears and choking in her throat and mumbled..
” I used to…”
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