Sleep, Live, Travel

I am laughing at myself every time I read the title of this post- Live Sleep Travel. I am getting an urge to quickly get to the point that I am making with these three words which are loosely or not connected. The inspiration is obviously from one of my favorite books by Elizabeth Gilbert which was later adapted to Julia Robert starrer- Eat Pray Love.

 

The book is her ranged autobiography of how she leaves a settled, married and yet confused and unfulfilled life in search of herself. She gets a divorce and goes on a journey wherein she travels to Italy, India and Indonesia. She learns to Eat, pray and love in these countries, in this order. (I must admit, If I was going on a spree of nations starting with 'I,' I would have included Iceland in my itinerary as well and it would have been called Eat Pray Love Bankrupt. Kind of fits in the whole real-life chain as well)

 

So anyway, it comes from this- from the whole gamut of my friends and the people that I know of, there is one clear classification- they are either getting married or trying to run away from it (Aww. you suddenly relate more to this huh?) There are ones who are marrying old cold flames because better to have known cuisine in regular restaurant than trying unknown exotics or taking the Indian way- arranged marriage plunge. Rest are reducing the frequency of home visits and phone calls and gathering failed marriages,  recently divorced examples to quote eloquently to their parents.... (Aww now I am talking to you, in person huh?)

 

So here it is. Either way, if you are dodging or getting a cold feet, you will never be ready. Don't think you will reach an age and maturity level when you will be ready for this social obligation or so called commitment and responsibility. I mean why would you? Human species are each made so unique and different that I believe they are not really meant to co-exist for a longer time frame. This is why the age old rationale of having a companion for life, someone to care for and  being alone later comes up-which is bullshit. You don't fall in love because you are married or together, you fall in love with the concept, and its logical anyway. This may be good but not really ideal.

 

Ergo this is how I feel it works- in marriages- whether love or arranged. Reality check. Ever wonder why college or school romances go for decades and people fall apart once they are out? Or the infamous long distance paves way for highway? Its simple. As long as external variables are same, nothing changes. Think of it this way- you may go to office day in day out and take the same route. After years, if someone asks you about an address in next lane, you may not know it. You were in a routine at a particular time and did nothing to know things deeper or farther. You could have gone on for another decade without knowing what the place looks like from next lane onwards. This is what happens in typical romances in typical cities. You confuse longevity of relation as depth of love and length of your pond's walls as tenure of investment. You can go on for years and it will still be the same- same level of feelings, responsibility, commitment and love. Nothing gets better, deeper, firmer or stronger with time. It just ages. Not even pain, not surely love. Time does nothing but pass...

 

Sleep Live Travel is what I propose as a closest test to test compatibility between two homo sapiens, assuming they do want to co-exist. Before you take the leap of faith and change your investments to the joint account, this is what you can do:

 

Sleep: Sounds good eh? No I don't put this as the screening factor proposing you to go on a sleep frenzy with people and see who makes you feel best the next morning or during the night. It only means sleeping is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. If you do think of popping the question, I assume you would have done this. For the benefit of stereotypical Indian families, yes, sleeping together is important. Not only because you can see the truest nature of someone when they sleep or see how they look like when they wake up next morning but for everything else as well. A person can't pretend to be nice or different while and just after/before he is sleeping (If he/she does, they are making way too much efforts and reward them for the intent.) Half, or if I may quantify, 33.33% of the clouds will scatter the next morning. Sleep before you Seek

 

Live: Again, why relationships fail? It was limited to who's picking who and who's sleeping over where for all those years...Now even if you manage to keep hooked to single's hostel-like life, things have changed. You may not need grocery but well, laundry needs to be done, or at least ordered, or picked or paid. Rent is to be paid, cereal to be refilled, ashtray to be emptied, laptop charger to be passed etc. Living together does that. Gives you sense of financial thought-process, below-lethargy intent levels and extent to push before someone moves their ass. It also clarifies who is willing to push till what extent and involve till what levels. Does she drag you to shopping, does he go out too much with his friends, does that bother you, where do each of you draw line between own thing and doing stuff together. Get this right and most of social/ practical things people go through as a couple are sorted. Live before you Leap.

 

Travel: Oh really? This too needs explanation? Just travel for godssake. What wrong can it do. OK...travel brings out the worst and best of a person. Everyone travels for experiences and have agendas (which can be an agenda of no agenda) and spend outside-accounted-for money for trips. Travel together. This will tell you the enthusiasm levels, tolerance, fields of being indifferent and hell bent. It will also show how they behave in unwarranted situations and with unknown people and how they project things and especially you to them. Travel will have pronounced impact on stress reactions, money sharing, tolerance to people, places and other's wishes and most of all- participation with you and for you. Somehow, trips have a way of revealing a person's true nature- from aisle seat to hotel bookings and choice of places and modes of transport...Travel before you trap.

 

Having said that, all these are follow ups. Just because you slept, lived or travelled with someone doesn't mean you guys are good. These are meant to present extraordinary situations to normal people. When you meet people in these very situations, they aren't extraordinary anymore. Then try the plain old dating maybe. Crux is, see how you are in situations other than routine... that will reveal the nature and course of two people surviving  together, if need and intention be...

And as they say- it will tell if or not you should cross oceans for someone; for they may not be really willing to even jump the puddles for you!