Child is father of the man

Oh my! This idiom was a nightmare. I would detest getting it for my exams to explain, or comment on... One moment I would feel I know what it means, next moment it would evaporate as I'd start to infer it word by word. It went on and on in loops. Child is a father- okay- of a man- what the hell?

It comes from a couplet from William Wordsworth called " My heart leaps up"

My heart leaps up when I behold

A rainbow in the sky:

So was it when my life began;

So is it now I am a man;

So be it when I shall grow old,

Or let me die!

The Child is father of the Man;

I could wish my days to be

Bound each to each by natural piety.

 

In simple words, as I yet again reproduce this from online text is that a person will have same qualities as an adult as he or she had as a child. In child psychology it is developed as the inclinations and preferences the child would develop once he/she grows into an adult. In Hindi, the corresponding idiom is "Poot ke paer palne mein dikhaaye de jate hain"

 

The reverse however, is more important, and widely studied. It's of course in hindsight and stands only attributing to something from the past rather than changing or channelizing it. Why I thought of it or planned to bring it up is from my observation of talking to a lot of friends and that somehow, most of their plans or so called-aspirations were deep rooted to their childhood....

 

...And I am bringing up not any troubled or traumatized kids with disturbed childhood, I am talking of normal-ish people you meet and talk to on daily basis. Going deeper in what they feel strongly about will have a connect to their childhood- inspired from parents, loathing parents or trying to prove oneself as child. It all is somewhere sown right there.

 

This remains in subconscious mind and is there since forever-when we positioned the idea without any logic. Now like religion, we believe in it without questioning. Like a friend who wanted to let go of his comfortable life, quit job and start a venture. He could never do that, in spite of feeling strongly about it, and that's what he truly wanted. We discussed about right place, right time and zillion other things about idea and conviction and usual stuff. Few more chats and drinks and today it came up so I realized, or inferred that he was no less unsure about it than anything else in life, but it came from the idea of proving himself to the father. His father had started a venture and failed and somehow, the later-cropped ego hassles made him believe that if he starts a successful venture, not only will he be satisfied but also somehow prove to his father that he is in a way superior to him.

 

Or a friend, who was busy hopping from one unsuccessful relation to the other. We would talk about the need to relax, be happy by oneself. It would be usually a discussion on why can't she be alone, if at least for a while, to gather thought on what they want and get clarity on what to do. But overruling all logic, like a helpless puppy, there was a continuous hop from one person to another. This left her dissatisfied, disillusioned and of course lose the charm of being with someone. It may not be necessary, but coincidentally, as a child, the family restrictions were so severe and protected that once out of the shell, there was a suppressed wish to experiment incessantly. To make up for lost time and people, and reach on the mark with others. Relationship to her was more of being able to do what she wants than intimacy- or maybe, also a suppressed act of rebellion.

 

And conversely, there is a friend doing great as software Engineer in US. He says that's not what he really wants to do but parents insisted that he gets a B.Tech degree. That's the most common crib we hear as and from Engineers. When asked what he would rather do, if not be an Engineer, he had no fucking clue. The grudge maybe is more about not being able to make own mistake, while copying and presumably failing.

 

These are these stories in and around each one of us. What we do, see and believe as a child and develop out of the prevalent circumstances dictate a lot of how we feel about ourselves. That's when I'd say, once in a while challenge what you believe in. The comfort zone is a beautiful place. The religion you follow, the ideology- political, social or whatever you carry- all lie unquestioned there. So like a routine health check up, for no ailment, question what you believe in. Vintage can be no reason for an ideology to be true or deep. We all grow up to a stage sooner or later, where we can look back and see how we have changed and accepted/ rejected habits we felt about otherwise. With time, we notice this happen...

 

But the truth is, time does not take care of anything. Things won't change if you leave them as it is. So if you feel discontent about something, step out of the zone and do a reality check. Do you really have something missing or are you just swooning on a notion you believe to be true. This may not have definite answer but is fairly fool-proof and also keeps the sanity intact.

 

The idea is to preserve the innocence that childhood gave us but brush off the misconceptions we created in our then-ignorant or worse, impressionable mind.