Workplace: What's wrong with Women...??

Offices are crazy places...most of them. They are full of disinterested and dispassionate people giving there best, or trying to appear so for the sake of earning money to do what they like. In terms of personal endeavors, its full of single people hoping to finally find that 'someone' they couldn't find in school/ college/ friend's circle. There are bored married ones who look for visual pleasures from alien men/women's proximity while thankfully there are those who do not think in this regard at all.
 

We are all well aware of the presence of 'Anti-sexual harassment' committee in our institutions. In fact I recall few sessions on introduction of such a committee and reaction of people. There were non-Indians in my first job who got extremely traumatized that their cultural difference and behavior may get tagged as harassment one of these days. By definition, patting a women's back or calling her by any name not perceived to be acceptable is also harassment. I am using the women as victim due to higher occurrence of women-victim cases than the other way round...

 

Tehelka case is a great eye opener to this otherwise constantly whispered issue amongst all, specially women. I don't want to discuss how the existing policies should be changed or used well to come in defense of victims at work. I rather want to highlight few things, from my personal experiences and from what I have seen around. I have seen how women behave in these situations, or the situations that seem to lead to a bigger issue; and to some extent, what's wrong with their reaction. My idea is also not at all to blame women or give justification to why men do so...my idea is simply highlighting how women, at times in a subtle way end up not addressing this in time failing which they become party to extreme trauma. There are counted situations which constitute 90-95% of lead-up to sexual harassment:

 

To begin with, ladies, again and again, learn to say NO. This is the foremost situation of build-up. Most sexual advances don't just reach an extreme level overnight...and you can always tell a friendly pat from a pat-to-touch-you. I assume women in offices are older than scared teenage kittens who can't figure out how to deal with situations. So once you feel there is unwelcome touch or look or a reason to stay around you, say it. I hear women talking and exchanging notes all the time about how Mr. X is so cheap that he does so-and-so or a total non self-respecting man that he doesn't get your clues. Really? Someone is making you uncomfortable, and I would say this not just for sexual advances but for everything under the sun, If someone is making you uncomfortable, once and for all, tell them upfront.

 

It is not so difficult to rationalize or execute. You wait for someone to pick cues of how you dislike what he does at your own cost. Mostly women don't ignore it because they like it, in which case, it is a win-win;  but because they feel embarrassed to be the rude one, or acting like a snob. Again, either be a victim eventually or a snob in advance to snub in advance. Speak at the very moment, clarify your stance, ask to explain hidden meanings and uncalled-for statements.
 

Second situation is little deeper ingrained in our heads, me being a women included. We intentionally or unintentionally use our 'charm' for an edge over other sex on daily basis. Its really not a big deal to flash an extra smile to make the cabbie stop away from taxi stand for us or attract the bartender's attention. At offices, this translates to encouraging that little extra favoritism from your boss or colleagues. Its good to be the favorite but the reasons better be more than the fairer sex. What women usually end up doing is becoming their bosses bitch. It is frankly a glorifying and self-boosting title when you have the honor of being the boss's bitch-extra time with right people, first hand insider information/gossip, indirect say in few matters out of your 'jurisdiction.' etc. On the face of it, this is not a big deal. But ideally never let your performance appraisal and job itself depend on how good a 'bitch' you are. Many people do this, mostly men-to-male bosses in which case it is just boot-licking. In case of women, it is that too, but can be perceived as much more...
 

...Be independent. Show that. Let people know that office is one important part of your life and its in your hand. Spend time when needed, don't be unnecessary available all the time which shows people that you are at their disposal. Have schedules and calendar and let people know, and know it too well that they need to arrange it within the available time. Bottom line is, please understand the areas and extent of being answerable in your job and most importantly, the people you are answerable to.
 

Third, and recently discovered phenomenon is discrimination in harassment. This one is surprising but I witnessed it myself so know it to be true. Women like flattery and like being liked. When a man in your office is rather too colorful and a girl's gang end up discussing this over coffee and competing on what he said to whom, the one without any story feels left out or rather discriminated. It's as if she starts expecting that he shows some advances towards her too. As in, "this man is hitting left right center on all females in my office then why hasn't he not tried it on me?" They feel less attractive maybe or odd-one out. This is super lame. For flawed logic's argument sake, well he may think you are out of his league or too strong to pull this off with. For universal logic sake, is that really what should matter? You can just stay happy to be away from all the uninvited  non-sense amidst the non-sense and if someone cares for your free advice, tell them to either stop cribbing or stop the guy.
 

These cases are unfortunate and traumatizing, but being a little clear in your head about how to handle them may save you a lot of misery. This can happen anywhere- in mall, metro, bars-but offices are most prevalent places because we spend majority of our waking hours there. Colleagues spend more time with you than your family or spouse and also have professional reasons for that. How you choose to behave and what distances you decide to maintain hence is very important. Whether you are okay to date a person from office or keep them completely off from even your friend zone is your choice. But decide it well in advance and make it much obvious.

While you work and get paid for it, your life passes between each weekend, at a time. That is a lot of time to devote to being vulnerable, submissive, and presumably non-vocal about things bothering you. Fix this.