Disclaimer:Unlike usual disclaimers in
the end, I am putting mine in the beginning to set the expectations
right. I am going to use my quota of year’s niceties here dedicated to
our dozen year long camaraderie
I mostly get irritated with sirens of engagement and wedding bells proclaimed oh-so-happily on my wall. But this time it’s different. It’s YOU! OPAL! You are getting married… Really? I wouldn't have bothered with my piece of mind otherwise but with you I need to at least try, show you the real picture.
I’ll begin by saying that it’s not too late yet. I mean, exchanging rings doesn't mean this can’t be undone...You still have time...NO? Yaar just because you have a possession of never-to-be-worn-again Kanjivarams cannot be a reason to deliberately step into this mess. I should have played devil’s advocate earlier na…
So here I am, urging you to reconsider. Doing this means you longer remain to be ‘Lukhkha’ like us. It means lovey-dovey-caring etc. It means you be nice to someone irrespective of how vulnerable he is to our jokes and saying good things to someone when you actually want to sit with me and make fun of him..
And I heard you have pundits and all...Didn’t he tell you? He never mentioned that 2012 is going to be a weird year for you with bizarre and even spooky things happening towards the end and going to places which cannot be retraced?
So here’s the deal. Decide. You can still come, we’ll put you underground for a while and next year will still be the same. Or do you prefer it nailing in the end? I mean running away from wedding will be more fun than being wed! Ohh I’m loving the idea already… Anyway, as promised the real picture is this, you have two options
One, as I mentioned, underground ho ja. No one will notice. All is well All is well is good chant for all that while
Two, go ahead with this randomness. Though given that you would get married, now, I prefer your way of ‘jhat-pat’ shock treatment. Slow poison is worse than this quick-shot man! In this case, again, of course we disown you but for old time’s sake, I leave you with 11 commandments of surviving a wedding and keep it spiced up-for you:
1. Bad cooking…Let mommy be the best cook and cook for him always!
2. Take hours in trial room so next time he sends his credit card to accompany you to make up for being a bad husband
3. Buy him stupid clothes and make him wear them. Make fun in public. ROTFL
4. Loadsa PDA to embarrass
5. Put him on-his-toes once in a while..You know, small things- hide watch, car keys, child lock on sports channel etc.
6. You may want to change the sheet right before sleeping, open curtains in morning and hear spooky sounds in the middle of the night which he should investigate!
7. Give him lame names , which as per him, you find cute, and use it incessantly
8. Tell him how you love gadgets and let him tell you how to use his ipad, PS3, kindle, IPhone. Encroach all of them! Cool na!
9. Bat eyelids. A LOT. ALWAYS
10. He likes pets, you don’t; He hates pets, you love them; he’s indifferent, you’re confused!
11. In an argument, keep quiet and imagine Tom-and Jerry. You will not only beat the age old notion of how women don’t let men speak but also irritate him many folds…
These are all generic ones, I will tell you customized tricks once we meet the next time!
Love,
P.S.: We are all so happy coz you are happy.
P.P.S: Congrats guys! PERIOD
I mostly get irritated with sirens of engagement and wedding bells proclaimed oh-so-happily on my wall. But this time it’s different. It’s YOU! OPAL! You are getting married… Really? I wouldn't have bothered with my piece of mind otherwise but with you I need to at least try, show you the real picture.
I’ll begin by saying that it’s not too late yet. I mean, exchanging rings doesn't mean this can’t be undone...You still have time...NO? Yaar just because you have a possession of never-to-be-worn-again Kanjivarams cannot be a reason to deliberately step into this mess. I should have played devil’s advocate earlier na…
So here I am, urging you to reconsider. Doing this means you longer remain to be ‘Lukhkha’ like us. It means lovey-dovey-caring etc. It means you be nice to someone irrespective of how vulnerable he is to our jokes and saying good things to someone when you actually want to sit with me and make fun of him..
And I heard you have pundits and all...Didn’t he tell you? He never mentioned that 2012 is going to be a weird year for you with bizarre and even spooky things happening towards the end and going to places which cannot be retraced?
So here’s the deal. Decide. You can still come, we’ll put you underground for a while and next year will still be the same. Or do you prefer it nailing in the end? I mean running away from wedding will be more fun than being wed! Ohh I’m loving the idea already… Anyway, as promised the real picture is this, you have two options
One, as I mentioned, underground ho ja. No one will notice. All is well All is well is good chant for all that while
Two, go ahead with this randomness. Though given that you would get married, now, I prefer your way of ‘jhat-pat’ shock treatment. Slow poison is worse than this quick-shot man! In this case, again, of course we disown you but for old time’s sake, I leave you with 11 commandments of surviving a wedding and keep it spiced up-for you:
1. Bad cooking…Let mommy be the best cook and cook for him always!
2. Take hours in trial room so next time he sends his credit card to accompany you to make up for being a bad husband
3. Buy him stupid clothes and make him wear them. Make fun in public. ROTFL
4. Loadsa PDA to embarrass
5. Put him on-his-toes once in a while..You know, small things- hide watch, car keys, child lock on sports channel etc.
6. You may want to change the sheet right before sleeping, open curtains in morning and hear spooky sounds in the middle of the night which he should investigate!
7. Give him lame names , which as per him, you find cute, and use it incessantly
8. Tell him how you love gadgets and let him tell you how to use his ipad, PS3, kindle, IPhone. Encroach all of them! Cool na!
9. Bat eyelids. A LOT. ALWAYS
10. He likes pets, you don’t; He hates pets, you love them; he’s indifferent, you’re confused!
11. In an argument, keep quiet and imagine Tom-and Jerry. You will not only beat the age old notion of how women don’t let men speak but also irritate him many folds…
These are all generic ones, I will tell you customized tricks once we meet the next time!
Love,
P.S.: We are all so happy coz you are happy.
P.P.S: Congrats guys! PERIOD
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