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Stupidity, the name is...

September 15, 2010
1500 hours, Wien, Austria.

I am a stupid girl. Sitting on a train from Wien to Ljubljana, I realize and declare this.
I am 26. I love reading books. Salman Rushdie is my favorite, closely followed and mostly overtaken by Ayn Rand. I love Howard Roark and wish there was someone like him I had met. And still, what I love the most is reading fashion and bollywood masala. Serious stuff doesn’t interest me a bit and I would rather read zillions of words on Nail paint designs... And gossip and trivia that doesn’t interest, excite or concern me.
I am Stupid

I take ultimate pride in not giving in and not giving up, but at my convenience, I tell myself that it is a pain one inflicts on self to be restraining..and I give in at slightest of temptation. I am as strong to inducements as I am vulnerable. And I don’t care. In the end, frankly, just like anything else, It doesn’t even matter..
I am Stupid.

I do random stuff. Walk out of a party with barely known classmate to go to a disc and get danced all night…hop on the train to Romania, not knowing if our Visa is allowed there and being stopped at station to be sent back! I am whacky, maybe reckless. I always feel things are not so bad as they can get worse. Waxed from the concerns…
I am Stupid.

I spend my life, for no reason, not drinking liquor. Without any compulsion or requirement of my family. I pass all temptations and have no inclination/reason whatsoever in times of deadliest of temptations, and I suddenly go to LKF and get high…and I don’t mind now. I experiment, drink and forget…
I am Stupid.

I go to places. I love to travel. I click thousands of my pictures…and get happy that I look super cool in all of them, no matter if the place looks good! And then I see the place and recall how beautiful it was… and say best things can never be captured…They can be seen and beheld in eyes and heart, not in a camera. Camera is for a perishable thing like mortals. It is witness to how time and moments have rubbed against my skin to reveal new lines…And I still click...overlook the lines…
I am Stupid

I am going to be a manager in few months, passing from one of best colleges in country..and still I have no aspiration. I never had. I never wanted to be something or someone. I just am happy in an unstable equilibrium. Happy to be at college when I am home. Happy to be at home when I am in Europe. Happy to be chasing shadows and wanting to go to the other side. Happy to be sick..homesick, funsick vacation sick partysick lovesick dresses sick. Sick to be sick..
I am Stupid

God only knows why and how each person is stupid and why and how they get away from the randomness. What is worse is that God only knows how many want to get away from being stupid. Ignorance is bliss and stupidity an utopian state of mind. It makes everything possible. The least the probability, the higher the hopes and beliefs in it happening…And even as I write this, I know what I am thinking, That everything is possible.

I am stupid, because just like everyone else, I am what I am. I love myself, am happy to be me, I hate myself wanting to be someone. I don’t want to grow up and do what I am doing, I want to grow quick and get some change in life. I hate thinking of life, because the more I do, the more I get confused, … I love thinking of life, because the more I do, the more I get confused,. Confused and perplexed. Wanting this at one moment, that at another. Child now women again..happy now, sad again. Reflecting at past and being restless, and then…reflecting and not caring…I move on…I go with the flow. I try to stop, try to dictate…and then again, I give in..Going with the flow.

Flow and command. I am Fusion I am what everyone is…
I AM STUPID

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