Life! Go take a hike...

"But what do you exactly want to do? Have you given it a thought? Wanna stay like this or...?"

He too asked this and I honestly couldn't think of a response which would fit into the likes of his binary expectations. It was a long answer. I got muddled, wondering if it was really a long answer or was I falling prey to my tendency of over analyzing and over explaining...

This is what I would have said and that is how I felt...

The dimensions have changed. The question no more attracts an absolute answer. It is relative. I would say interstellar for that matter. The question is not just 'if' but 'when', 'who' and most importantly 'if at all'

Let me try to explain.

Have you even been on a hiking trip or for the sake of an example, in Indian context, a trip up to 'Vaishno Devi? (a religious shrine)'

If I remember correct, it's a 14 km trip up the mountains. One can choose to walk the whole way or go on horse back. There is also an option of taking a trolley ride I hear. Now these trolleys and horses are available at the beginning of the trek only so you have to make the decision in the beginning if you can walk up 14 km or not. Here's the thing. Most first timers prefer to walk.

They do so to enjoy the scenery and for what it's worth, go on their own pace. The horse or a trolley would be easier and faster though it involves some money. It also involves not being able to go up your way, or appreciate the journey. Whichever way one chooses, the end destination of course is the same.

Here is what. We all have started the journey on foot. We are animals of journey. We are also animals of oblivion. We have deliberately missed the bus because we didn't want to miss the view. I assume as a reader, you know if you are part of my 'we.'

In fact for many, unless they are driven by flag-bearer syndrome, it is also fine to go as much as they can and return. We are all walking. Happy first timers. Mocking the people who are hurrying, driven by the reasons of maturity. Hurrying to make it before sun is up or it gets crowded. We are ambling. Loving the view, forgetting the finality of the journey.

Then we walk a few kilometers and we have had enough of view points and sense of liberation. We have had enough of shortcuts and mini races and detours. Then this dawns. That's where I stand. That's where most of us stand today. This road most-traveled makes the difference. This churns out people.

Few go on. Tired and tossed. Neither appreciating nor giving up. It has only boiled down to finishing it. This may come with sense of pride and sticking to the decision of walking or sense of regret and being forced to carry on. Few start looking for options. They need to decide. They may have given up a bright maned horse initially and now pay double for half mules. They settle for less. They settle for less because they are past the decision point. And then there will be ones who will return for easier downhill journey. These were initially itself content with as far as they can stretch or have now made up their mind. There will also be muzzled beings who don't have enough money to pay a higher price or strength to go back or luck to spot an available mule mid way.

And that is the crux.

Where am I. Where are we. Discounting the outliers and exceptions, we will all fall in these categories. I will also urge myself to stop giving the benefit of doubt that I will be an exception. It is very unlikely that one will reach up fresh and happy. More unlikely, one will get a free ride on shining stallion while on their way up. You will be somewhere mid way.... looking up or looking down.... continuing or stopping or headed back. Happy or tired yet determined or choice-less.

The decision of hike is right. The decision of how you begin is also right. As long as one has accepted the consequences, it's all right.

Personally, I would go on. Tired or not. I remember a hike I abandoned mid way in Stavanger as snow kept getting thicker and night started dawning. I was ill-equipped to weather conditions and a point came when I had to risk slipping or head back. I headed back. I was left choice-less. I hated it. Doesn't it all boil down to this one thing in the end? 

The power to be able to make choices outweighs everything else.

This is what I wanted to say. I am on this hike. I don't mind finishing or not. I stand by my decision and want to be able to make my decisions going forward based on each factor, as and when it comes.